Still after I sit here with my broken heart you have the nerve to tell me that you still love me. What the hell? Why are you going to let me sit in my bed every night crying my self to sleep if you still fucking love me. You say miss me....lol if you missed me why dont you pick up the fucking phonre and call me. Do you seriously expect me to sit here and cry while I wait for you to straighten up your life. While all im doin is sitting here crying waiting to get over you. Praying to god every chance I get to take this pain out of my heart. I can't believe that I believed the stupid shit that came from that mouth. "I love you and I'd never leave you" or " the only way i'd leave you is if you cheated on me" you know what else is really funny you are the one man that I was ever faithful to. I really loved you. I never once cheated on you or even thought about it. You should consider you self lucky. I wasted so much time loving you and I still am. Im wasting iem writting this supid thing cause I still can't get over you. every where I turn I see something that reminds me of you and I try to be strong. its the time I spend  alone that I think of you most. which is 75% of my day.....

I wish that I never loved you, I really do casue I never would have never had to feel the pain I feel right now. You stll want to be friends, friends that hang out and spend time with each other. So you basically want me to still be there when ever you fucking need something...lol thats the funny thing you have never once been there to pick me up when I fall or not even when I needed help with the smallest things. I put s much mone into your sorry ass that I have nothing to show for it except debt that continue to grow.

I pray that I will never ever belive you again when you say you love me and never want to hurt me... realit check you hurt me bad and there is no takin that back. You continue to say hat you never want to hurt me yet Im dieing from all the hurt that you put me through already.

I wish that I could just let go and stop crying every night as I lay to sleep. I wish that I could sop loving you, I wish that I could hate you

God please just let me LIVE!

Dear DADDY,

      Oh man how I wish to hear your voice. I miss you daddy and wonder how differnt my life would be if you were still here. I remember the days you would come home early from work just to see me. I remember the days when you brought me cool toys and even little sweets and told me not to tell. I remember the nights I couldn't sleep becasue I was afraid of the boogie man and you always came in and checked under my bed and in my closet to make sure nothing was there. Daddy, I wonder how my life would be with you here to tell me yes or no. I never got to expierenence you meeting a guy before I got to date him. I never got the Joy of you telling me that you dont want me to date. Call me funny but I wish I had you there to tell me NO! I love you so much daddy and think of you every day and wish upon that same very star that you never forget about poor little me. I wish for the days that you would pick me up and wipe my tears when I fall and scrape me knee. I love you Daddy! You are truely my hero and do everything to the best of my ability because I know that you would have wanted me to follow every onhe of my dreams. I miss you daddy and I hope you know that....

I love you always and Forever,

          Baby Girl "Stella"

Yea  Yea  Yea

   So this month is oof to a great start but I dont wanna jenx it so knock on wood. lol So things are good. Work is going pretty good. I've been there for about 2 and a half months gettin paid pretty good. I mean come on the most I do is fill and well thats not even that bad lol.

School is going pretty good. Now that I am only in one  class because I well happend to get dropped from the other three due to not going. lol I mean come on it's fresno city it sucks.... Well other than screwing my self over in school I'll turn it around next semester if I even get through this one ya know. lol

Well my family is good. my aunt sue is in the hospital. That little old lady is gettin close to the edge but she is a bi trooper and is not ready to end the game. My mom and sis and bro are all well . We barely spend that much time together since we are all off doing our own things. Tryin to pay the bills and all

My bf and I are doing better than ever. We have been together for 3 and a half months. I've known him for aobut 2 years before hand but I would say the best relationship you can have with someone is with some one who u have know for a long while. Im crazy in love and  I can see my self being with him for a long while.

Well other than akk that. Last tuesday I went and visted my good ol friends back at clovis east. It made me realize how much I mis all of ur smiling faces. I love you all and never forget that Im crazy about you.....

Later Days and remember that Stella is always there for you